my own worst enemy.

Last year during college football season was when my relationship started falling apart. Things started off well, I took her to her first game when the buckeyes played Ohio University. I bought her a jersey to wear, that she never wore again until after I broke up with her.
     The next couple of weeks I watched or listened to games as much as I could.
     We went to my sisters halloween weekend in costume. I watched the penn state game while she ignored me and talked to my sister. She didn't think I could limit myself, so I drank a reasonable amount, went to home and got to bed. The next day I went to my church's 8 am mass, and then went to her service with her later.
We went up to a game one weekend to catch up with some friends and hang out with my brother some. We watched the game, and went to her friends house to help celebrate her friends daughters birthday. Then we went to a friend of mine to help celebrate her birthday. I was not sober at all during much any part of the day. She decided that she wanted to go home that night so she could go to church the next day, so we got in the truck and she started driving. By the time we got to the outlet malls, she decided that she couldn't drive any more, so we stopped and slept in my truck for an hour or so. When she woke me up, she was too tired to drive, and made me drive the rest of the way home.
     The next weekend we stayed home and watched another game.
     Then the problem weekend came. I have a friend that goes to illinois university that a bunch of us tickets to the game in champaign. She had said that she would go earlier in the summer and apparently feigned interest. She found a way to get out of going by signing up to take the praxis II again that weekend. She has now currently taken the praxis test about 10 times and has still been unable to pass the PTL test for k-4. At any rate, she wasn't going, and I convinced Dr. Weber to go with me. My one scatterbrained friend and girlfriend noticed that was weird, and I told them that I wasn't sure how much longer it would last. On the way home, when my girlfriend would have been in church, she had time to call me. This really got to me, I had to drive with a hangover at 4 am to get her to church, but when she had time to herself, she didn't go.
     On tuesday the next week, I went to her house to watch a netflix movie, stranger than fiction if I remember right. She banned me from talking and slept through the whole movie. On my way out, I told her we were going to columbus that weekend for the michigan game. By the time friday came around, she had still not acknowledged that, and put up a big fuss about going. I let her know that I was gonna leave by 6:30, with or without her. Halfway to hillsboro, I turned around and drove to russellville to pick her up. She called my brother and got him to convince me to pick her up. Once I got there, she started packing, and two hours later I was back on the road. We didn't say much the entire way to columbus. Once I got to columbus, my brother told me he had gotten me one ticket, so I was gonna go to the game the next day. If I knew he was going to be able to get me a ticket, I would have brought warmer clothes. At any rate, I went to the game and she stayed in my brothers room and slept. She was unwilling to call any of her friends and try to hangout, so she stayed in and got angrier. I caught up with scatterbrain for a while after the game and brought her back a creampuff, but she was too angry to be any bit of happy. We went home that evening, as planned. She was angry that I took two hours to get back after the game, but we did miss the traffic and still got back for her to go to church the next day.
     Thanksgiving was next weekend and we had a serious talk. She admitted that she was trying less at the relationship on the basis that I wasn't trying hard enough. That was enough for me to make my decision to break up with her. I wasn't having much fun with her and she was unwilling to try any more to make either of us happy. For some time she had been unwilling to talk on the phone at all with me, and just spent time asleep when we were together. She was mystified why I enjoyed college football so much. The way I see it, she did not want to be around me anymore. That was that. She now regrets that decision and would still take me back if I asked her to. At least I think so. I may have been drinking too much those weekends, but I was still making the effort to spend time with her and will spend much of this season watching football sober. My brother is now of the opinion that I do really want her, but he doesn't know as much about the two of us as he thinks he does. I have no plans to get back with her, even it means spending the next part of my life without any dates of companionship. How can I be with someone who willingly put less effort into dating me when she had such a high opinion of me? What happens when if we had gotten married and she decided this after such a commitment?

In other news, I watched GLEE tonight and thought it was pretty funny. More thoughts will come later.