here goes nothing

I am not sure what I am trying to do with this post or going to accomplish. At any rate, I am the author here and want to blog about what is on my mind. I have had an interest in a girl for a some time now. She has seemingly turned me down because of fraternization. Knowing what my apparent profession and hers are, I have concluded some things. I think this rejection is because a woman has to work hard to maintain her professional image. It is much harder for a woman to remain viewed as a professional among her coworkers than it is for a man. I may present to much of a risk. I live in the community that she works in. Too many of her students could get to me and form opinions about her. The staff she works with might form the wrong idea if we were seen together. Things may be said in her classroom that she doesn't think is appropriate. There is another teacher teacher relationship in the building that could be a yardstick for other inter workplace ambiguities. Once that threshold has been crossed, it could be very hard for a woman to do damage control.

On the other hand, I am privy to some knowledge that a honest person might not know. I am pretty sure that she has been or was praying for God to be with her and help her in her life. She was probably doing this regardless of any relationship status. I don't think that someone can ever know what God's plan is. It seems a bit convenient that we made our acquaintance when we did. It seems a bit convenient that we were both recently single after coming across each other in her workplace. It seems a bit convenient that we were both on the same dating website when we were.

We meet or had passings not all that long after I had broken up with my girlfriend and I think she had recently separated from her boyfriend. I came across her dating profile and realized she was single. I had initially not given her much thought. She had red hair which did two things that she or any other woman would not want to hear about themselves. One, she looked like another red headed teacher in her building. This is my fault. I learn people at first by hair color and knew the name of another teacher that had red hair. Thus, 1=2 for a while. I was eventually able to discriminate, but that is where the second observation came into play. The red hair did give her an older appearance. I had probably said some friendly things in passing to her. I didn't think or know what degree of availability she had, so I just smiled and was as nice to her as anyone else I knew.

She also has something that I found interesting. On a description of herself she says she takes risks for love and faith. I must also be too much of a risk for love. Like I mentioned earlier, God works in mysterious ways and a person cannot be entirely sure of His plan. This must not apply to me. I do practice a different religion than her. I am a catholic, and I doubt there is any type of catholic bias. I have been to christian services before, but if a decision were to come, I think public showing of faith is more important than which building I am in. The preacher I am listening to now seems more interested in telling jokes and being a funnyman than preaching. I am hearing too many chuckles from him during his sermon.

I may have done some things she was not in favor of. I found her online dating profile and then proceeded to message her a bit. She eventually quit messaging me. I got a bit nosy one day a month or three later and found she was keeping a blog that she probably didn't think some online lurker was going to come across. She also seems to be on several other dating sites, thus making herself available to plenty of other people. I shouldn't have googled the online name and made myself privy to such knowledge. However, she is putting herself out there as a single and still finds time to turn me down at least three times for a dinner date.

Beyond that, she seems like a great girl and I don't know if we would get along if the digital barrier was ever crossed. Maybe she is more insightful than me and knows that I am not her type. Anything ventured can be a bit of a risk. Making this post could be a risk. For all I know, she is going to shun me and forget all about me.

I also watched how I meet your mother tonight and found professor mosby and his trepidation about teaching to be quite accurate. Good stuff on that show. I really can't wait for The Big Bang Theory to come on, that science based humor is great.