Things are terrible now. I'm not the kind of leader or person to call names and be unpleasant to others. Amanda, on the other hand is. It's not without reason as my behavior is what is causing it.
Im not the leader she needs me to be. Amanda has made no secret that she wants me to be a leader and what she expects from her leader of a husband. I act in a way that is cowardly, in a way that excludes me from taking the action she needs. She needs me to confront her and talk her ear off about everything and anything. Now that I have waited as long as I have to make an effort to talk to her, she is even more upset about us. When I try to talk to her, she has other ideas for me. When I don't talk to her, she thinks less of me.
times typed "oftern"-0
Friday, March 7, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
Wrong
I have been told on several occasions by my wife that I act as if nothing is wrong when something is wrong. I don't act this way when I decide something is wrong. I act this way when Amanda tells me something is wrong and decides she isn't talking about it for a while. I know that I can't force her to do something until she is ready to do it. I'm not the kind of person to force myself on another person and she isn't the type of person to let someone force something on her anymore. I need to exercise patience until she is willing to address any of the smallest details with me. I am currently unable to force a conversation, no matter how important, to the other person until I have the smallest idea the conversation can be two ways.
This is part of my leadership issue that Amanda needs me to overcome. I have to be able to confront items and discuss them in a timely manner. I have to talk about other issues in an effective way with her. I have acted as a dictator in some instances. Our marriage is not good when either of us acts inappropriately.
I am sorry for things I have done. Once I realize how they affect Amanda I am sorry. Usually the moment I realize how upset she is is right after she says she's not talking about it anymore. Sometime afterwards she tells me that being sorry doesn't cut it and I believe her and let her give me the silent treatment while I wait out the moment she seems willing to talk things over more.
times typed "oftern"-0
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Selfish
I have been accused of being selfish, which means that I am selfish in all my decisions. For starting purposes, I want to define selfish per the merriam webster definition.
-having or showing concern for only yourself and not for the needs or feeling of other people.
The tipping point for all this was the decision to go and work for my relative building pole barns for some amount of time. Ideally I was going to work for a couple of weeks, save enough money for our building we have been planning for a year, and then be done. I know we talked about it because I remember two things specifically. First, I remember Amanda saying she didn't want me up on top of the building where I could fall off. Second, I remember Amanda saying that I should not fast on Ash wednesday this year because it would not be ideal.
Nonetheless, I omitted the duration of the work and it would seem the hours I was going to be away also. I needed to spend more time talking to Amanda about the idea and making sure she knew all the details that I knew. I didn't. Now Amanda has set upon the idea that I was not being a leader and being a dictator. A dictator who selfishly decided on my own what to do, regardless of how it affected the rest of my household. I knew that I talked to her about it some, in her mind it wasn't enough because after the fourth day of getting home late, she lost it at dinner. Lost it in the I'm not talking to you anymore lost it. I deserved it, I didn't talk to her enough about the whole situation before I left the first morning.
In my mind, I trust her with everything she comes to me with. I say yes because I trust that she only does what is best for our family. I am not afforded the same trust from her for many reasons. I thought I had a level of understanding that she could trust me to do things that are good for us when I leave the house. I have now learned that I need to talk to her in as much detail as I can. I have to do this to afford her even the smallest amount of reassurance that she knows what is going on.
So back to my starting point, Am I selfish? I think that I am generous towards my wife and daughter. In this instance have I only acted in concern for myself? Did I not consider the needs and feeling of other people. It doesn't matter what I think, it only matter what my wife perceives. One day my daughter will perceive these types of things also. I have to be mindful and clear with what I set out to do. The best thing I can do now is accept responsibility and apologize. I don't want either of us to continue on the same behavior that we are acting out now. We should be better than that to each other.
times typed "oftern"-0
-having or showing concern for only yourself and not for the needs or feeling of other people.
The tipping point for all this was the decision to go and work for my relative building pole barns for some amount of time. Ideally I was going to work for a couple of weeks, save enough money for our building we have been planning for a year, and then be done. I know we talked about it because I remember two things specifically. First, I remember Amanda saying she didn't want me up on top of the building where I could fall off. Second, I remember Amanda saying that I should not fast on Ash wednesday this year because it would not be ideal.
Nonetheless, I omitted the duration of the work and it would seem the hours I was going to be away also. I needed to spend more time talking to Amanda about the idea and making sure she knew all the details that I knew. I didn't. Now Amanda has set upon the idea that I was not being a leader and being a dictator. A dictator who selfishly decided on my own what to do, regardless of how it affected the rest of my household. I knew that I talked to her about it some, in her mind it wasn't enough because after the fourth day of getting home late, she lost it at dinner. Lost it in the I'm not talking to you anymore lost it. I deserved it, I didn't talk to her enough about the whole situation before I left the first morning.
In my mind, I trust her with everything she comes to me with. I say yes because I trust that she only does what is best for our family. I am not afforded the same trust from her for many reasons. I thought I had a level of understanding that she could trust me to do things that are good for us when I leave the house. I have now learned that I need to talk to her in as much detail as I can. I have to do this to afford her even the smallest amount of reassurance that she knows what is going on.
So back to my starting point, Am I selfish? I think that I am generous towards my wife and daughter. In this instance have I only acted in concern for myself? Did I not consider the needs and feeling of other people. It doesn't matter what I think, it only matter what my wife perceives. One day my daughter will perceive these types of things also. I have to be mindful and clear with what I set out to do. The best thing I can do now is accept responsibility and apologize. I don't want either of us to continue on the same behavior that we are acting out now. We should be better than that to each other.
times typed "oftern"-0
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