The most important thing

One of the clearest things in my mind from my early relationship with my wife was that being financially secure was the most important thing to her. Since then many other things have been said to be very important if not the most important also. The financial security one is the one that sticks in my mind the most. Yes, after my wife's birthday I learned feeling important by having a presence is very important to her. I learned that we need a day for ourselves, sundays, to spend together as a family and husband and wife. Nonetheless, it has always stuck in my mind that financial security is the most important. 

I took on another part time job that is full time hours until I reach a quota that I feel comfortable with. We have committed to a building that I don't have a real idea what the cost is. Yes, some of the materials and most of the labor is going to be free or cheap. Some cost is going to come up and I can't let that cost put us in a bad situation financially. We just spent 25k getting our tax bill clear. I can look at our account statements and feel that we should have what we need for our monthly bills and living expenses. Should is critical as nothing is certain in our future. Last year we got down to our last 300 dollars before any crop money started coming in. This year we have a better plan, but cant be sure of anything until october comes around. 

I know that talking about finances is always hard with Amanda. The slightest mention or talk about money freezes her up. She has left the house for hours at a time when she thought we had money issues. I can reassure her all that I can, but she will always have a fear in the back of her mind. 

It was really nice that I was able to spend nearly the whole last two months at home with Amanda. However my work is coming back to being necessary and with it some days that require long hours. I don't like those long hours and days very much, but it is the life we have chosen. We will always have our sundays and some periods that are quite a lull. Some times are busy, some are not. Its going to be that way until I get to make the decisions and efforts regarding our farms planting and harvest seasons. My parents are willing to put up with that relationship, but we are different in my marriage. 

times typed "oftern"-0