Shoveling Snow

Last night I was reading and the author brought up something that I am doing to some extent. The author said that when men feel they are in a bad spot with their wives, they shovel snow. This means they fix or do things to make their wives day easier. I can think of several things around the house that I have done the past few days, and I can think of several things that I try to do to help Amanda with the daily routine of life. She likely notices them and does like that I do what I do. However, when something gets put off she has a real issue. She feels that when I put something off or delay something in some manner it reflects my attitude towards her. I wasn't able to capitalize on that info when she had conveyed that to me in the past. I never think poorly of her, I would simply forget most of the time. Or I would think it more important to be doing something else. The biggest change I decided to make was several months ago. I would wake up early to pay bills, feed the dogs and cats, and try to do other things around the house that I could. This worked out well because I could have things done before she woke up and have some time on my own to pursue some of my interests. Then at seven or so, I would go upstairs and wake Sophie up and get her changed and ready for the morning. It worked out well except that I wasn't doing enough of the household maintenance. Some mornings I would decide that I was just going to goof off on the computer until seven. This did mean that I was looking at possible jobs, most of the time was spent doing things that didn't matter.

The internet things that didn't matter have really hurt my relationship. Some time ago I came to a conclusion about porn and haven't been back to that activity. We installed the covenant eyes software and after an initial hiccup from a message board, things have been good. Recently I decided that I didn't need all those other sites either and cut those out up to 99%. The 1% might be when I am on my laptop and decide to browse more. I only have the reds page and helpful marriage/parenting things bookmarked on my phone now. For a little while I was still going to a pickup truck forum, but I was beginning to have some doubts about that. I realized that I was treating my truck like the guy and his boat in the movie Fireproof. So I am not going to that forum again until it is time to attempt to sell my truck. I knew that if I got out of farming we wouldn't need such a big truck, but I was always able to say or think we should have it in the case we get into the horsing business for Sophie. The truck issue really came to a head when Amanda realized that I was spending time on their instead of attempting to resolve what was happening with our relationship. Its one of the small things I am doing to show that I care about more than myself.

I told Amanda that I know what I can change and know what I can make an to do. I can tell her things all day long, but it comes down to what I physically do to show her that I can and am different than what she has seen in the past. In her eyes I haven't followed my vows to her to a T. I know what I have done in the past and what I would like to do in the future.

times typed "oftern"-0