Socially stupid

I've made another mistake at the expense of my relationship. Last week my mother and me sat down and attempted to hash things out concerning this situation we have gotten ourselves in. She had written a letter saying that she wanted to mend things so that we could all have the relationship we wanted. We talked for an hour and then I went home and talked to Amanda about how things went.

I called my mother and let her know that we were in favor of the letter. She acted as if she wanted that to. I let her know that all she had to do was apologize for what she said about my wife last winter. She said she would send my wife a text and be able to do that. More than a week has gone by since then without any word to Amanda.

I attempted some form of a dialogue with my mom, mainly just friendly chatter about a TV show we both like. I knew this was going to be the extent of any relationship we had. It wasn't going to be any thing else, and she certainly wasn't going to be hearing anything about either my wife or daughter until she made her letter true.

We finally talked some more last night. My mother did apologize for saying those things about my wife, and we had a good dialogue. Before she finally apologized was where the real information was. She realized after talking and hashing things out what I was capable of. She had decided to just cut me out of her life to the extent that I was willing to go. Dad encouraged her to do so after he heard some of what we were saying to each other at the table. I'm not sure if she has changed her mind or not, but I did really convey that all I really needed was for her to apologize to my wife.

This has put me into a very difficult situation. My wife thinks I abandoned her, my mom probably thinks the same, and I don't want either one to think that is true. Especially my wife, I've learned so much from her about what type of person I have been and what type of person I need to be for my wife. I knew that I was never going to be on great terms with my mother. She keeps thinking that I must have had some bad childhood based on how I am treating her now. The fact of the matter is that  how she is treating me as an adult is the real problem. Maybe she gets to treat other relationships in her sphere the way she wants, but my relationship is going to be different.

A lot of this comes down to my social skills. I don't have friends and never really had a large group of friends. The most social I ever was, was when I wasn't sober. It was easy to be social when alcohol was just a cover to be able to be around other people and chat. I'm glad I am sober now, but I don't have the time to commit to friends. My wife and daughter need me to be the man they need. I don't have or know the proper social etiquette to actively process what other people are saying and thinking about me. I don't realize when people are giving me a compliment, or saying I am lying about something. All I can do is commit more and more to my wife and devote myself to her. Thats all I want to do and be seen as in her eyes.

times typed "oftern"-0