25

As of today I have been a married man for 25 months. As I am typing this, my laptop battery is at 25%. My youngest brother turned 25 today and will be having survivorship guilt in about three months, near when my other brother would have had his birthday. (Edit-my deceased brother was 26 years, 3 months and 22 days. His birthday will be close to that amount of time for my living brother.)

It would seem that in the past I have been saying things to Amanda that she did not care for her husband to say to her. She has told me to quit saying and acting in this certain way. Some things I quit more easily, some things have been more recent, but she has decided that I need to quit all things right away. I have a pretty good idea of how it makes her feel, especially as of lately, so I know what and why I need to quit. She may not have liked what I have done in the past, I know that what I can do in the future is going to be better.

I have also been accused of preferring my own company at times. Some behaviors indicate this, but that is not the case. When Amanda told me that she wanted to be married and have a kid within the next year, I knew I wanted that to. I knew that I didn't want to sit around and play video games alone wasn't what I wanted. I knew that I wasn't on dating sites so that I could continue being alone. I knew that coming home to an empty house wasn't what I wanted. I knew that idling away the hours on my laptop wasn't what I wanted. I wasn't sure if farming was what I wanted with my life or not. Nowadays, none of those things are what I do. I get to do as much as I can manage with a wife and child. Occasionally I find things to do that end up being on my own. That doesn't mean I want to be doing them on my own. I want the company of my wife and Sophia, when Sophia's baby schedule allows. Amanda telling me her goals made me realize that I wanted those things also.

times typed "oftern"-0