the smartest man

My wife has said on more than one occasion that I am the smartest man she knows, after her dad. Despite my status, I keep making mistakes that upset her more than I care to see her upset. I can sit on the couch for two days and do very little, which was taken two ways. I was either relaxing after working strenuosly to get the tobacco in, or consciously ignoring her honey-do list. I can also manage to take her up on an offer she suggested and then having her be dissatisfied with that decision.

She has taken this inaction as a sign that I don't consider her at all. The occasions I described are not limited to those two, and likely won't be the last two. I fell into todays trap when she said not to worry about coming out to see her, and I didn't come. I used the word bellyache on the phone today and its going to bite me in the rear end for some time now. She thinks I am choosing myself all the time. On occasion I have been put in the place of choosing between doing what she is saying not doing what she is saying. I am not sure how to react to such an event now. She did preface today phone call with an important event that she hoped I would come to and was all set to hit the road and get to, but I mucked it up when a choice came my way.

The worst part is I don't get the chance to talk to her as I'm blogging like this. She regards herself as highly stubborn, and I can't compete with that. She's willing to sit in silence and then run down everything I try to say. I love herand all I know how to do is forget about what happened and try to enjoy the time I get with her. I watched the movie hall pass tonight and the lesson was once you have that person in your life, willing to be your spouse, you need to put them above all else. The guys didn't realize that until after they saw what was out there. I don't know whats out there to be seen, I have what I need in Amanda. 

Most often when she comes home I can't really decide what type of mood she is or might be in. She is usually exhausted from driving nearly three hours every day, and working at a job she loves but really dislikes her boss. I can't wait to see her and engage her about all the topics of the day, but its a real risk to be ambitous and try to over-engage in daily life with her. I usually lose my desire to blog after getting to pick her mind for a while.

times typed "oftern" -0